Friday, November 20, 2009

Further Twilight Thoughts

I have to admit - I still don't get all the Twilight hoopla. I don't understand the fascination with Edward - pale and sparkly doesn't do it for me. And this totally creeps me out. Small children and vampire love - not a good combination. Like I said before, not my cup of tea. Bella still irks me. Jacob is a better character - far more full of depth in terms of reading and a bit more swallowable in terms of the whole 'magical mystical' animal/creature front.

But hey, it takes all kinds.

Best part of the books so far (just finished with New Moon) was the whole argument between Bella and Edward about the getting married versus immortality. That was amusing and for that split second I was totally in love with Edward, but then he was all soppy and teenagerish again and bleah. I just didn't get Bella's whole issue. She'll give away her LIFE?! but won't get married? Seriously? Who can KNOW that they are constantly going to want to be with one person. It's IMMORTALITY people. It doesn't come with a refund. I'm with Edward - who'd want to buy into that! At least with getting married, it's not forever....


I did just write that.

Maybe I don't get the books because I don't understand what that kind of love really means. I've never felt that kind of 'oh my god I can't live without this person' feeling. I was going to say I don't think something like that really exists, but then I had to stop and have a think.

It does.

Maybe not with all the teenage drama and sighing and brooding and smoldering that Stephanie Meyer seems to give it, but it does. I can remember my grandparents having that kind of love. They died within weeks of each other. It could have been that they were both rather sick and definitely towards the end of their lives, but you know that they did die because one could not live without the other. And then I was thinking further... my best friend in college was like the whole Bella and Edward thing. Well, she's not even remotely Bella-like, but the romance was the same kind of unable to live without you feeling and knowing the moment that you met that you belonged together. It was that kind of awesome thing to watch... to be a part of... and then to watch her when her husband died... yeah, I can get how Stephanie Meyer would think that exists.

But it's not happened to me.

I wish it would.

Maybe I am just not that kind of person.

i'd love to meet someone who could just take me away - sweep me off my feet like that. Maybe I'm just too, hmm, untrusting maybe? Lack of confidence? not in the right place at the right time? Yes, I've been married, but was it that kind of 'choir of angels singing' moment when I met him - probably why I am divorced as well. I've never meet anyone else that could be that "Bella" to my "Edward" (I refuse to link my name to hers I'm too damn opinionated and cranky and demanding to be Bella). I've found comfort and closeness, but ... not that kind of moment.

But of course, I wouldn't want a sparkly vampire to bring me that moment. *g* I don't want him to be soppy and romantic... but having the moment would be nice if nothing else. Some things are just not meant to be ....

Maybe I should move to Oregon and stalk pale men who drive Volvos while wearing specially knitted mittens....

*eye roll*

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Twilight Review... In my Own Words

First of all, a disclaimer, if you are a HUGE Twilight fan, you might want to look away. I have some rather frank opinions and if you are of the opinion that the world of vampires and gorgeous men begins and ends with Edward Cullen, you and I are not going to see eye to eye. So let me preface my words below with the note that they are MY OPINION. You are entitled to "sparkly" Edward all you like.

That being said though, I'm only a half way through the first book. I do plan on reading the rest because if nothing else they are entertaining as long as I am willing to turn my brain off.

Now there are four kinds of writers and books. There are good writers who are something worth reading and write reasonably well. The books are usually read once and get a 'well that was worth reading'. They aren't something you really recommend to other people often, but they are worth the paper they are printed on. But with me, if I buy one of these, I read it and resell it - no big deal. There are GREAT writers who are amazingly entertaining. They create fabulous character who are believable and you read the book without wanting to put it down. My latest great writer I've been enjoying is Tamora Pierce - for her amazingly strong and full of control female characters that she writes. You can see and feel the books from beginning to end. There are also classic writers - people who are timeless for various reasons - the themes and language that are presented to us. You've read them in high school and college and blah blah blah. The last kind is the okay writer. These are the people who are published by some miracle of publishing that let them get a contract for a book. It is one of those crazy flukes of the world wherein the undeserving get what others might deserve.

I'm afraid I have to put Stephanie Meyer's books in the category. It was an intriguing idea when vampires were just becoming 'big' again. So of course it was purchased. Besides the fact that teenage girls are so gullible and more willing to swallow Edward and his sparkliness. That and they all see themselves as 'Bella' the 'plain' who suddenly becomes beautiful. (In case you're interested, I'd also stick JK Rowling in this category - for most of the books after 4. She did well until then, but honestly?! Yeah.)

So part of my issue with the books has to do with her writing style. I admit, I'm not a brilliant writer. I could use a great deal of polish, but I'd like to make sure that Stephanie takes an introduction to the descriptive paragraph. That and I'd like to show her the benefits of a thesaurus. Just how many times can one use the word smoldering in two pages?! Seriously - I counted at least five. That and brooding. I'd like to let her know that I don't think those words mean what she thinks they mean. And I've yet to meet a teenager who knows how to look 'smoldering'.

Maybe it just comes across as horridly written because it is written from the point of view of a teenager. But just because it is written 'by' a teenager doesn't mean you should sound like one as a writer. It just makes me want to take Stephanie in hand. This is also probably why I don't write in first person because unless you are AMAZING at it, it sucks. Big time. I think I'd buy the whole story a lot more if it was third person. Probably because I could never see myself as Bella. Not in a million years. I'm not (a) gullible, (b) an idiot, (c) gullible, (d) amazingly stupidly trusting or (e) gullible.

Aside from my issues with the writing, which can be ignored, I don't get the whole Edward factor. I just don't. Seriously - the dude is the LAMEST vampire ever. EVER. Maybe it's because I'm only half way through the book. Maybe it's because he's only supposed to be a 'teenager' or something like it. (Though I don't get how you can be 'teenagery' when you've been 'dead' over 100 years, but hey, who am I to judge?!) Seriously - he SPARKLES in the sun!!! Now I like my bling and sparkle as much as the next girl, but in SUNLIGHT?! *shudders* And he's so LAME. I mean, who admits to being a vampire?! He knows her, what, two weeks and she says 'Oooo, you're a vampire' and he's like, "well, dude, of course" but in some cool vampiric way. *bangs head against random surface* Didn't he go to vampire school?! You know, where they tell people to deny deny deny?! Maybe you don't have to deny if you are into only eating animals. *bangs head again* They only eat animals?! Look people, it's Moonlight all over again. *rolls eyes*

What happened to vampires just being vampires?! They're evil. They're not nice and yes, they will suck you're blood. They're not like Draco Malfoy and leave room for 'doubt'. THEY ARE EVIL. The end. Maybe I just like my vampires evil. (Not that I happen to like vampires in general - they just aren't my things.) Just like I like my men in charge. I should NOT walk all over you. You should be in command and sarcastic and cunning and intelligent. You should NOT be a milk toast vampire. Maybe it's just me. I don't need a tender hearted man who is cute and sensitive and SPARKLY.

If I am going to fall for a vampire, he's going to be far more like Jean-Claude from the first few Anita Blake novels. I say only the first few because after that they dissolve into a massive orgy and if I'm going to read porn - I'm going to read porn, not a novel trying to be disguised as porn. Jean-Claude was cool though. He was tall and dark and French and hideously over-bearing, but seductive and lethally sexy. He's the kind of vampire you'd risk it for, just because. I also happen to love Harry's brother from the Jim Butcher books. I also like Jim Butcher's take on the vampire lore - the three courts of the vampire: red, black and white. Red is pretty horrid, but black is all the traditional vampire lore. But then the white is a totally different breed - living off of lust and sensuality instead of blood. I think it is an interesting take - probably not an original idea, but interesting nonetheless.

Though really if I am going to select a fictional man to fall in love with, there is a huge variety to choose from in my opinion - and most of them better than Edward. I'd probably start with Ramses from the Elizabeth Peters books. Then any of the Mallorys from Johanna Lindsey's works. Mitch Rapp from the Vince Flynn books. Eragon from the Inheritance books. Most of the men in Tamora Pierce's works, though I have a fondness for the Rogue from her Bekka books.... The list goes on. What do they all have in common? They are strong and sarcastic in general. They like to think they are in charge, even when they're not. They are intelligent and egotistical to some degree. I'd probably hate them all in real life....

But as I said, I will read the rest. I'm intrigued and while reading the summaries on Wikipedia is faster, it's not have as intriguing.

Then I'll have things to blog about if nothing else.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Mystery Illness

So, I seem to have some sort of unusual illness that is defying my own personal medical diagnosis. Perhaps you are smarter than I am. I seem to be suffering from (in no particular order): dizziness, nausea, light-headedness and upper back pain and a one day hint of a sore throat. It is only the back pain that bothers me because that is usually the sign of an ILLNESS not an illness. And yes people, there is a difference.

An illness is cured with lots of kleenex and a fluffy kitten and some tea and if you are feeling particularly horrid, some theraflu.

An ILLNESS consists of no less than three days being prostrate on ones back on the couch which fending off a small child by throwing cheese at it and attempting to write sub plans that are more involved than 'deal'. Therefore I am not interested in having an illness.

So without a fever (which would automatically indicate the flu), I decided that perhaps I would attempt to figure out what it was I was suffering from.

Let us all take a little travel over to WebMD. Ahh. So pretty. I decide, let's just input the major symptoms - dizziness and nausea (and no I am not nauseous only in the morning Mr. WebMD or have been out of the country or knocked myself on the head recently).

Turns out, I either have chronic heart disease, am pregnant or have some kind of unpronounceable disease that involves having lots of contact with rodents (I may teach, but really!).


So, not exactly helpful.

Input additional symptoms. Ooooo. Nope - haven't swum in infested waters recently - what a bizarre question! Buttons! Clicky click click!


Are bizarre nightmares a symptom?! Probably not.

Now I have the flu (without a fever, really?!), something do with physical activity, toxic shock or fibromyalgia....

Who writes these things?!

I'd get more information by inputing my quarter into the fortune teller machine or asking the Magic 8 Ball.

Next thing you know it will tell me I have scurvy and an allergic reaction to my socks.


I think I will just stick to my own paranoia and offering to the small altar in my room. No that is not incense you smell and no, I never had a second cat, why do you ask?!

** Disclaimer: Author continues to have two cats at this time. Small children are never flung cheese at told to fend to themselves - sandwiches are always provided. Politeness is not. Post written under the duress of unknown illnesses are not the responsibility of the author.**