Monday, November 9, 2009

Mystery Illness

So, I seem to have some sort of unusual illness that is defying my own personal medical diagnosis. Perhaps you are smarter than I am. I seem to be suffering from (in no particular order): dizziness, nausea, light-headedness and upper back pain and a one day hint of a sore throat. It is only the back pain that bothers me because that is usually the sign of an ILLNESS not an illness. And yes people, there is a difference.

An illness is cured with lots of kleenex and a fluffy kitten and some tea and if you are feeling particularly horrid, some theraflu.

An ILLNESS consists of no less than three days being prostrate on ones back on the couch which fending off a small child by throwing cheese at it and attempting to write sub plans that are more involved than 'deal'. Therefore I am not interested in having an illness.

So without a fever (which would automatically indicate the flu), I decided that perhaps I would attempt to figure out what it was I was suffering from.

Let us all take a little travel over to WebMD. Ahh. So pretty. I decide, let's just input the major symptoms - dizziness and nausea (and no I am not nauseous only in the morning Mr. WebMD or have been out of the country or knocked myself on the head recently).

Turns out, I either have chronic heart disease, am pregnant or have some kind of unpronounceable disease that involves having lots of contact with rodents (I may teach, but really!).


So, not exactly helpful.

Input additional symptoms. Ooooo. Nope - haven't swum in infested waters recently - what a bizarre question! Buttons! Clicky click click!


Are bizarre nightmares a symptom?! Probably not.

Now I have the flu (without a fever, really?!), something do with physical activity, toxic shock or fibromyalgia....

Who writes these things?!

I'd get more information by inputing my quarter into the fortune teller machine or asking the Magic 8 Ball.

Next thing you know it will tell me I have scurvy and an allergic reaction to my socks.


I think I will just stick to my own paranoia and offering to the small altar in my room. No that is not incense you smell and no, I never had a second cat, why do you ask?!

** Disclaimer: Author continues to have two cats at this time. Small children are never flung cheese at told to fend to themselves - sandwiches are always provided. Politeness is not. Post written under the duress of unknown illnesses are not the responsibility of the author.**

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