Sunday, February 21, 2010

Notes, Dreams and Ponderings...

I just want to know why it is that I have crazy dreams. Is it something that I eat? Is it something I can control?! Actually I don't think that I can control it. I just wish I could open up my brain and download it into my blog because some of these could seriously make heck of a book. I mean, if Stephanie Meyer can make money writing crap my fantastically unusual dreams would be far more interesting.

Dream #1 -
Somehow this was influenced by reading about the Bachelor on MamaPop (which is funny enough to make me pee my pants laughing, but never something to actually inspire me to watch that kind of trashy tv). It was about like 4 boys and 3 girls or more (not sure exactly) living in some house and randomly dating one another. One of the kids was famous for some reason (not sure what) and I was all about having to try and date each one (yes, I was one of the girls) and arguing about how I should get a chance to date the young and handsome hunk who was a star of some kind. I didn't want to be excluded just because I was older and not as hot as all the other girls. I think this bizarro dream was also influenced by the fact that I was watching a rather badly acted (I can soooo act better) cheesy Disney teen movie. Oh Here if you must know... Though I also think this may have been influenced by reading about Percy Jackson.

Hey, at least I keep myself entertained and off the street. It always makes a difference. Now, this would clearly not make a good book, but it does lead me to another question - why is it that I always want these blond guys in my dreams?! Why is that? Most of the times, the blond happens to be the guy I had a crush on all through elementary school. (We will protect his identity as I am sure he'd rather not to be associated with this weird little blog.)

Dream # 2 - Far far more psychotic. My guess is that this would be enough to get me committed in some instances. This one I have no frame of reference of where it came from.

Somehow there was these four different people who were all being stalked through time by some serial killer for a reason that I couldn't quite place until the end. It was all about how this one girl loved this other boy who was younger than her and taking care of him and others were just letting it happen. Odd - I know. This one I didn't seem to be a part of for the most part because I was watching things. Somehow the person who was doing the stalking was able to manipulate them through time and even had the ability to make what they thought was their dream and then turned the dream against them. Like someone was going to be having a family and then the family that they thought was theirs was killed - that kind of psychotic little twists. Somehow at the end the four people that were being hunted were kids again and I adopted them and was planning on protecting them from the person hunting them.

Really I need my head examined.

Of course it is better than dreaming about work things which would have made me crazy.

There are some things which no one needs.

Now I'd best get work things done so that I can go to bed at a decent time.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

They tell me love is in the air, but I've yet to spot it myself...

It's kind of like one of those hidden pictures where you have be able to stand back and focus and see the picture in the dots. I never got those. My eye sight is so bad that I can't figure it out even when I know what it is supposed to be....

I don't really get the whole Valentine thing. I suppose its because I don't get the whole dating thing since I've been divorced. Maybe its because I can't relate to men. Who knows? I think a lot of it is that I don't really know how to be around them. Part of that is a whole bunch of circumstances that lead up to having a hard time having these conversations. When my Dad died, I ended up being stuck in a role that took me a long time to grow out of. It meant that I lost a lot of time learning how to relate and flirt and make those connections. Of course it didn't help that I moved around so much during the awkward preteen/teen years. You learn to shut yourself off and be what people want in order to fit in.

So by the time I grew out of that and even learned that I could be myself, I was already married. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved (love) my ex, but I was never myself and kept so much pinned inside it was hard by then for us to relate to one another and even harder for me to say things I really meant or who I really was. It just was that way. And on top of that, the loss of my 'older' brother and then my grandfather (my dad's father) never left things the same for me.

So I learned to be something of a chameleon. I blend in. I tend to stay rather introverted. I don't tend to show people who I really am - especially around guys. I tend to be what I think people want - not just myself. I play different roles for the situation which means I struggle to just be myself. When out dating, I think I've met one guy I felt like I could be more of myself. It's hard when you want to 'fall in love and meet prince charming' when you're not playing yourself, but being Cinderella and that's not who you really are. Some things don't just jive together. I do better with woman - easier to relate to people who ou don't have to play roles for.

And today I was reading PostSecret and one of the 'secrets' was about wanting to not be set up all the time. See - that wouldn't bug me in the slightest. But then, I don't think the people I'm around know me well enough to even consider that. I guess that's my own fault. I wasn't taught or built to be something other than a chameleon - maybe I just have to accept that I am a chameleon and find the prince who'd like to be with a different person every night....

Either that or just enjoy being alone.

Or garner enough strength to just show myself as I am and not worry so much about what might happen because of it....

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Today I sucked a cat up out of the carpet and other news...

The worst thing about a long haired cat? Vacuuming.


Now, actually I have to admit, I love to vacuum. Who doesn't? So fulfilling with a clean floor with neat patterns and soft carpet under foot when you walk.

But after you're done, at least with my model, you have to empty out the canister. It is so gross when you have a long haired cat. The dirt you pour out is disgusting enough - and I'm not a person who cares much about dirt - but the cat hair is enough to turn anyone's stomach. What ever possessed me to have a long haired cat? Something must have gathered my brain and wrapped it in the cuteness of kittenhood in order to make me forget to realise what a long haired cat might do.

I had to clean the entire canister and STILL then pull out hair. GROSS. It coated everything.

Is it really animal cruelty to shave your cat or is it just facing the fact that no one likes to pull out hair from their vacuum cleaner for upwards of 15 minutes afterwards?

Perhaps I shall experiment with that and let you know.

And while we are speaking of fixing things, let's discuss how we stop a seven year old boy from talking like a baby. I know girls did it, but never was aware of boys pulling the same thing. Of course this is the same Monkey who used to prance around the school like a pretty pony (my words not his) (and how else would you describe walking around with your hands up in front of you like horse legs?!) and has a thing for my heels?! SHould I be concerned?! Though I suppose not because he might be *gasp* gay or something like that. *snort* He can be gay all he wants, but flaming weird?! That I am not sure about. Heck, I'm good with overt geek who collects video games, nerdy accountant and even crazy rock star. But weird?! I'm not sure I'm prepared to go there. I shall have to contact Mrs. Piggle Wiggle for a cure...

In other news, I finally managed to clean a good portion of my flat. The worst part of being a single parent - aside from having to drag a small child with you every where you go and not being able to date on any kind of a consistent basis - is having the energy to deal with cleaning every evening when you get home when there is no one else there for support. I can't stand that. It's hard to enough to battle with the Monkey about the little things, but to add into trying to keep the flat clean is tough. And I hate cleaning with a passion. When I win my millions, the first thing I get is a maid. If I never have to clean again, I'd be happy. And it is definitely not one of those side jobs that I could manage. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot and have to manually cauterize the wound.

On the other hand, I have yet to manage to grade a single paper. I wonder who would notice if I just randomly gave papers a grade instead of actually grading them?! That would be far more entertaining for me if nothing else. Probably a bad practice... So that means I had better do it then?

Perhaps I'll let the cats do it instead. They need to be good for something other than clogging the vacuum.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Random Thoughts

Sometimes the hardest part about waiting for the shoe to drop is waiting for the dramn shoe to drop. That and the fact that you think it all the time. And when no shoe drops how do you know that the shoe isn't just hanging around waiting for you?!

And when are you too old to move back in with your parents? Is there ever a time element? And is it bad to beg?!

Here are some more positive random thoughts and hopefully you get a laugh even if I didn't think them up myself:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. (Here it is.)

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (You don't. You take it out of the dryer and return it to the bed it was on).

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (Your second grade teacher thinks so)

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own house (Let's hope so. It's like those labels about don't dump the hair dryer in the tub... I want to meet the person that they have to write those five directions for)

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. (In gory detail in some instances)

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this-- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings 9 times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer - drop the phone and run away? (I would like to ask this of my ex...)

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste! (And I'm convinced I ran into the man who should have been my Prince Charming while wearing a hideous pair of sweats and hoping to not see a single person)

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. (This is also why I filter email....)

18. My 4-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay. (I'm with MamaPop on this one - K is for Killing Spree which is rather how you feel about Valentine's Day when you're single and all people are happy and plaing kissy face....) (And seriously - go read that link. I wouldn't watch the Bachelor if you paid me (okay maybe if you paid me) but it is so darn hysterical....)

In other news - who wants to help me start up my own business?!