Sometimes the hardest part about waiting for the shoe to drop is waiting for the dramn shoe to drop. That and the fact that you think it all the time. And when no shoe drops how do you know that the shoe isn't just hanging around waiting for you?!
And when are you too old to move back in with your parents? Is there ever a time element? And is it bad to beg?!
Here are some more positive random thoughts and hopefully you get a laugh even if I didn't think them up myself:
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. (Here it is.)
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (You don't. You take it out of the dryer and return it to the bed it was on).
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (Your second grade teacher thinks so)
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own house (Let's hope so. It's like those labels about don't dump the hair dryer in the tub... I want to meet the person that they have to write those five directions for)
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. (In gory detail in some instances)
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this-- ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings 9 times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer - drop the phone and run away? (I would like to ask this of my ex...)
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste! (And I'm convinced I ran into the man who should have been my Prince Charming while wearing a hideous pair of sweats and hoping to not see a single person)
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. (This is also why I filter email....)
18. My 4-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay. (I'm with MamaPop on this one - K is for Killing Spree which is rather how you feel about Valentine's Day when you're single and all people are happy and plaing kissy face....) (And seriously - go read that link. I wouldn't watch the Bachelor if you paid me (okay maybe if you paid me) but it is so darn hysterical....)
In other news - who wants to help me start up my own business?!